


Shattered

by Sarcasmcat



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-06
Updated: 2012-03-06
Packaged: 2017-11-01 13:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/357199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarcasmcat/pseuds/Sarcasmcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sidney makes a life changing decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered

Sidney stops in the door way, suddenly unsure.  He spins the ring on his finger with his thumb, a nervous habit he picked up after the marriage.  He isn’t sure what brought it on, if it was because he wanted to hide the ring from everyone or because he wanted to draw attention to it, needed people to know he was in love and loved.  Alex always makes fun of the-

Hand pressing against his thigh Sidney bites down on the inside of his cheek, desperate to hold back the pained gasp building in his chest.  Alex hasn’t teased him for months, hasn’t been able to, hasn’t moved or opened his eyes in six months.

A call over the intercom startles him and he takes a deep breath and steps into the room, closing the door behind him.  In the silence of the room the beep of the heart monitor and the soft whoosh of the ventilator are loud and Sidney has to close his eyes because he doesn’t want to see this.

Even closing his eyes doesn’t help because all he can see is the disaster that caused this.  He had been at home watching the Capitals play Boston.  Alex had been on a breakaway, defenseman hard on his heels and he had caught an edge.

Sidney had watched in growing horror as Alex had gone down, the two defensemen too close to stop, going down on top of his lover and they’d all slammed into Thomas and the net.  The Bruins had been quick to clear away but Alex had been unmoving, curled on his side, face bloody, helmet gone.

The trainers had been quick to his side and when there had been no reaction a stretcher had been brought out on the ice.  And after resetting the net the game had continued, with the announcers promising information the moment the game continued but Sidney had been blind to it all, the terrible image of Alex unconscious and bleeding the only thing on his mind.

His phone had started vibrating right off the bat and he’d ignored it as he’d struggled to get his shoes on and find his keys.  It wasn’t until it started ringing and Geno’s number had flashed on the screen that he’d finally picked it up.

“Sid!”

“Fuck Geno, I know.  I’m headed to the hospital.  I’ll call as soon as I know anything.”

He’d been in such a hurry he’d almost forgotten to lock the front door to their house.

Halfway to DC Mikhail had texted him with the name of the hospital and Sidney had barely been able to focus over the sound of his heart racing in his ears and the bitter taste in his mouth.

He’d slammed into the nearest parking spot and raced into the hospital.  The nurse, evidently a hockey fan and a follower of Alex’s had pointed him towards ICU without any questions.  It hadn’t been hard to find and Mikhail had flagged him down as he’d rounded a corner.

He’d leaned into the other man’s fierce hug and then bowed his head for Tatyana’s kisses, her quiet murmurs in Russian working to ease the knot in his chest.

He’d lost track of how long they sat in the waiting room, Tatyana’s hand tight around his, Mikhail Sr. on his other side, Mikhail in a chair pulled so close their knees touched.  It had been early morning when the doctor had finally arrived, eyes solemn.

With every word Sidney had felt his heart stop and had never been so glad to barely know any Russian when Mikhail had translated for his parents.  Broken nose and cheek, cracked jaw, lacerated scalp.  Bleeding and swelling in the brain and they’d already drilled to relieve the pressure but it was too early to tell if there was any brain damage.

Tatyana’s hand had clenched around his hand so tight his fingers had gone numb but Sidney hadn’t cared, unable to breath.  There were so many things that could go wrong and he felt nauseous and dizzy and it had been a fight to not be sick.

When the nurse finally showed up to let them see Alex Sidney hung back, waving Tatyana ahead when she turned to look at him.  Two years of marriage wasn’t enough to break the bonds of over two decades and he could see the desperation in her eyes, the need to check on her youngest making her tremble and he nodded and she disappeared.

Sidney paced the lounge until Mikhail came to get him.  He paused in the doorway to Alex’s room in the ICU, barely aware of the older man’s hand on his shoulder.  Breath caught in his throat Sidney felt his knees lock and he almost went down as he stared at the bed.

Alex was barely recognizable, face swollen, head swathed in bandages, wires and tubes everywhere.  He’d never seen Alex look so small, dwarfed by the machinery around the bed and he had to close his eyes.  It had hurt too much to look at.

The sound of voices outside the room breaks Sidney from his reverie and he looks at the bed.  Morning light streams through the window, falling across the middle of the bed and sparking on the thick platinum band and that single bright point forces Sidney to move.

Scrubbing at his face Sidney drops into the chair next to his lover’s bed.  He leans back, eyes roving over Alex’s unmoving form, guilt settling hard and heavy in his stomach.  Alex barely looks like Alex anymore.  The lines of his face and nose are the same, bare of any stubble and his hair is painfully short, a scar running through the hair just above his left temple. 

It hurts to see, his lively, virile partner reduced to a wraith, a former shadow of what he once had been.

It’s almost like Alex isn’t even there.  Even in his sleep Alex was never this still, always moving, pulling him close or pressing him into the bed.  To him it seems like the body in the bed is just a familiar shell, his spark, the burning essence that is Alex to him a dying ember. 

He hasn’t been around as much as he wants, busy with the team and trying for the playoffs and it’s killing him to think about Alex, silent and unmoving, alone more often than not.  In the beginning he’d been in the hospital room with his partner almost all the time, holding Alex’s hand and hoping he’d regain consciousness.

It had made for long days, travelling to Pittsburgh for practice and games before back to Washington to sit in the hospital.  The nurses had gotten to the point where they ignored him and some of the younger ones had even started bringing him water or juice and fruit.

Finally, when the travel had gotten too much, his playing suffering, Tatyana had rousted him from his spot next to Alex and sent him home.  Even now he isn’t playing as well as he has in the past because no matter how much he focuses on the game there’s always a part of him that’s in the uncomfortable, barely padded chair with Alex.

The doctors had been hopeful that once the swelling had gone down and they removed Alex from his drug induced coma that he might wake up.  But the swelling had gone down and they’d weaned him from the coma and still nothing.  His heart is still beating without help and he’s breathing mostly without any aid but there have been no signs of awakening, despite the fact it’s been six months since the accident.

They haven’t actually talked about it, but Sidney is starting to think they’re all losing hope.  Geno and Sasha growl angrily when they catch themselves talking about Alex in the past tense.  The team takes care not to mention Alex, even in passing and he’s getting tired of the sad looks they can’t seem to keep from directing at him.  His in-laws seem to be fading as surely as Alex is and he feels the same way.

He’s not sure how much longer he can hold on.   

Sidney rubs at the ring on Alex’s finger, identical to his own and he is so painfully grateful it’s still on his finger.  Now though, there’s a rubber size ring on it, keeping it tight around his finger and Sidney can’t help the rough sound that echoes in the room, something that barely sounds human.

He and Alex had eloped with only Geno and Sasha to witness.  It had been the best thing he’d ever done, except for the Olympics and the Cup.  The news of their marriage had ripped through the hockey world and had everyone up in arms, half the league condoning their actions, the other half crazed in support of them.

Only two weeks later they’d proved that while they were married, it wasn’t going to change anything on the ice.  The game had been brutal, with more than a few people on both teams limping after the game, a couple fights and three ugly rounds of shootouts with the Capitals coming out on top, but just barely.

After the game had been a crazy sort of congratulatory party at his house, with more alcohol than should probably have been made available to that many hockey players still high on adrenaline from a vicious game.  Luckily there hadn’t been any fights and the only really weird thing they’d had to deal with was waking up to find Geno rolled in a blanket on the floor at the foot of their bed.

The best part through had been the army of hung over hockey players who with a lot of grumbling had cleaned up the house before disappearing.

That had been two years ago and Sidney wants it back so bad it aches.

Until Alex’s accident hockey had been everything in his life and it’s these times that have him rethinking everything, when he’s sitting next to Alex, watching him fade away.  For two years he was happy, he had Alex and hockey and now all he really has is hockey and it kills him because suddenly without Alex at home, at his side, and across from him on the ice, Sidney isn’t sure he wants hockey anymore.

Without Alex it doesn’t seem to be worth it, when he’s spending more time on the fucking road than with his lover who might never wake up, let alone skate again.

Thumb sliding over Alex’s ring Sidney stands and presses a kiss to his lover’s cheek, foreheads touching.  “I don’t think I can do this anymore Alex.”


End file.
